There are many things I don’t understand about women, no matter how hard I try. Maybe that’s the reason they say Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus.
I left my home for studies when I was 17, and until my marriage in 2009, I lived with boys. Living with boys gives you a lot of information about girls, except for how to handle their emotional content. Even after close to seven years of marriage, I am not good at it. I don’t know how to react to something my wife feels very strongly about. Though I must confess, sometimes I try hard to find the logic behind her activities, like spending half-an-hour in a store from which she buys nothing, looking through every section of the grocery store when she already has a list with her. I simply fail to understand her psychology!
So, when we got married, I might have said a few things that hurt her. The words that were just a suggestion for stop wasting time on random and unnecessary activities used to shatter her. Honestly, as a new couple, we fought over it too. It’s with time I understood (and accepted) why she behaves in a certain way – stopping at every aisle in the grocery store, going to the mall to buy a t-shirt and coming back with a bag full of clothes, getting annoyed on jokes when I want to have a bit of fun and lighten up the environment. Now I know it all! I think if I had a girlfriend before marriage, I would have known a lot about ladies’ behavior; rather could have been much wiser at that, maybe even exceeding expectations after marriage 🙂
But when I look back, I feel it’s not much about being a man or a woman. It’s a simple human psychology that works in a relationship. When she wants to be heard, she will repeat it like a child. If she is bored, she will change channels on the TV, like I shut off my system and go for a walk when I am bored. It’s only the understanding and the reaction that is different. Our desires are the same – to be heard, loved, cared, and understood. Everything else stems from it. It’s only with time one gets to know the desires of a person you are in a relationship with. That is why most of the marriages break in the initial years if the couple has a tough time adjusting to each other.
Another aspect why it is not about the gender perse is because I have seen gay partners fighting over the same issues, on which we fight. If two men are in a relationship, shouldn’t they know about every emotional mumbo-jumbo and have a smooth sailing? No! Strangely, a relationship doesn’t work on the basis of your sex, as much as one would like to believe otherwise. Stay-at-home dads are perfect examples of the line becoming thinner day-by-day. In the modern society, respect for emotions, care, and respect have transcended traditional boundaries, which were earlier defined by the gender type in a relationship. To have a successful relationship, it’s better to concentrate on and iron out the issues that cause differences.
I may not understand why my wife cribs when I watch Cricket matches back to back. I am free, and I am at a liberty to utilize my time any way I want. But, I should go to the kitchen when she needs my help. I should get up and answer the door. As these are the things I too would want when I am working and she is relaxing with a book.
When they say marriages are made in heaven, I smirk and pour my wisdom on it – even if marriages are not made in heaven, they can be made heavenly with care and understanding.